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Weekly Weigh-In

20120714-102258.jpg

Starting weight: 155.8
Last weeks’s weight: 148.2
Today’s weight: 150.4
Up 2.2 lbs.
Total loss: 5.4 lbs.

Must. Be. Diligent.

Obviously, I don’t get out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off. I let the gentle music of Boston’s independent music station, The RIVR, lull me back to sleep because Dan loves to snooze.
The other morning Jason Mraz’s “I Won’t Give Up on Us” invaded my slumber and I had a very vivid morning dream.
It was like a movie montage, snapshots of a man and woman falling in love. They were old-timey, maybe from the 1920′s or 30′s. They get married. They have a lot of good times: their dancing and laughing. Their sitting under the stars. Then, handsome husband has a drinking problem, lovely wife is angry, but they keep going. Together they have a son, and he dies in a war. Lovely wife becomes a war nurse. Together they go on.

It was all so clear, and it was all before the second chorus, which was when Dan decided he’d had enough and hit the snooze.
So, for your listening pleasure:

Have you ever had a vivid morning dream? I could probably write a movie, I probably should, based on all the crazy dreams I’ve had.

I hope you had a good Monday! Happy news coming soon!

LOVE!
Angelica

Weekly Weigh-In

20120714-102258.jpg

Starting weight: 155.8
Last weeks’s weight: 150.6
Today’s weight: 148.2
Down 2.4 lbs.!
Total: 7.6 lbs.

Reclaiming happiness

The last thing that I want to do with this blog post is generate concern, so here is a bit of a disclaimer. I am fine. I will be fine. I’ve just had the misfortune of running into a case of the sads. I’ve had this feeling before and I’ve always gotten through it. So, here’s the story.

Lately, I’ve been catching myself starting far too many sentences with, “I want…” I’m not sure when these overwhelming desirous feelings began seeping out, and never did I consider that the more I said that I want something else, the less I was grateful for what I already had. Desire was the beginning.

Envy came next. I looked around at all the wonderful things that people had in their lives, never stopping to think about how hard they must have worked for it and what they must have sacrificed. All I could think is “why can they have that and I can’t?” I was envious of some people’s freedom and of other’s homes and children, their vacations, and I felt sick with envy.

Soon, I was powerless to stop either of these heartless emotions from bubbling up, and I let them take over. I could feel myself being a terrible person. Sometimes, I felt completely disconnected from things I said or did, and I winced with every hurtful word I may have used to make myself feel better.

I was growing bitter and spoiling. And it SUCKED! I didn’t want to be on the outside looking in anymore. I wanted to be happy again. I finally broke down, to the only person I could ever break down to, the one who wouldn’t judge me, but would be the most hurt by these awful things: my poor Dan.

It must be shocking to hear your wife say that she is unhappy. I know it would break my heart if Dan said that to me. But I tell him that it isn’t his fault, and it’s not. It’s my own fault that I let these feelings creep up on me. It’s my own fault that I let them fester instead of recognizing for what they are: Temptation and evil.

Now I let all those feeling go, by acknowledging that they existed and acknowledging what a jerk they made of me, but the real work is ahead. I can’t only focus on my physical well-being. There is no purpose in having a healthy body if I turn my back on a healthy mind, and, today, I begin to strive for an overall  healthy well-being.

I don’t want to break down again or hurt the ones I love, and I don’t have time for it. Life is too short to focus on what I don’t have when I must focus on all the truly wonderful things that I do have. I understand that feelings of envy, anger, and desire are normal and human, but holding onto them and letting them overcome me is not healthy. It’s OK to want, but it’s not OK to let the wants cloud the needs. I also acknowledge that because I want something doesn’t make it mine. Sometimes there is sacrifice and often there is hard work.

So, I want to be happy again. It’s going to take work and sacrifice. Just like getting in better physical shape there needs to be a plan. Here’s this week’s physical and mental wellness plan:

Monday: Yin Yoga, a meditative yoga which blends the needs of the body with the needs of the mind.
Tuesday: 3 Mile run
Wednesday: Strength training and one chapter of this book followed by 15 minutes of meditation.
Thursday: 3 mile run
Friday: Buddhist Practice
Saturday: 4 Mile run
Sunday: 50 Minute cross training

So, why write about this on a blog, for everyone to see? Because I believe that mental well-being is just as important as physical well-being. There’s a lot of stigma placed on mental health, and it’s a shame because I don’t think that there is one person in the world who has been happy 100% of their life, not even my hero, Mister Rogers. Mister Rogers even once said, “There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.”

I’m ready to wrestle and I’m ready to be the best me: Mindy, body and soul.

LOVE!
Angelica

Weekly Weigh-In

20120714-102258.jpg

Starting weight: 155.8
Last weeks’s weight: 151.6
Today’s weight: 150.6
Down 1 lb.!
Total: 5.2 lbs.

Freaky Friday

Today has consisted of chugging a protein smoothie (mah muscles are so-so grateful), writing letters (that’s mah job), binge eating an aristocat pizza (oopsie), cursing at the printer (why does it always freak out on Fridays?! WHY!), and checking out this hot tumblr site.

lol no.

You’re welcome!

Tonight, there will be yoga– because my legs say so, mini-golf– because I don’t think that I’ve been bitten by enough mosquitos yet this summer, and cuddling with my loves.

Have a great weekend!

LOVE!
Angelica

The Jacket

The reward. The reason. The 2012 goal.

I finish five Millennium Running races and I get the very first Millennium Running Series jacket. I signed up in December for the Shamrock Shuffle ,

the Rifest Five Miler,

the Millennium Mile 5K,

and the NH Ten Miler and Santa Claus Shuffle.

Three down two to go, but my most challenging one is just ahead.

I never thought I could comfortably run five miles, and here it is a year later and I have three under my belt, but ten! Ten, that’s almost a half marathon. That’s probably, at least, two hours of running. It will definitely be a test of my mental limits, but if I thought I could do it back in December than I must’ve known something then that I don’t remember now. I must’ve been much more brave.

Whatever the case, when I finish this series, I am wearing that jacket to bed.

Three miles tonight and some weight training– arms.

Shower, wine, bed.

LOVE!
Angelica

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