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Starting weight: 155.8
Last weeks’s weight: 148.2
Today’s weight: 150.4
Up 2.2 lbs.
Total loss: 5.4 lbs.

Must. Be. Diligent.

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Starting weight: 155.8
Last weeks’s weight: 150.6
Today’s weight: 148.2
Down 2.4 lbs.!
Total: 7.6 lbs.

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The last thing that I want to do with this blog post is generate concern, so here is a bit of a disclaimer. I am fine. I will be fine. I’ve just had the misfortune of running into a case of the sads. I’ve had this feeling before and I’ve always gotten through it. So, here’s the story.

Lately, I’ve been catching myself starting far too many sentences with, “I want…” I’m not sure when these overwhelming desirous feelings began seeping out, and never did I consider that the more I said that I want something else, the less I was grateful for what I already had. Desire was the beginning.

Envy came next. I looked around at all the wonderful things that people had in their lives, never stopping to think about how hard they must have worked for it and what they must have sacrificed. All I could think is “why can they have that and I can’t?” I was envious of some people’s freedom and of other’s homes and children, their vacations, and I felt sick with envy.

Soon, I was powerless to stop either of these heartless emotions from bubbling up, and I let them take over. I could feel myself being a terrible person. Sometimes, I felt completely disconnected from things I said or did, and I winced with every hurtful word I may have used to make myself feel better.

I was growing bitter and spoiling. And it SUCKED! I didn’t want to be on the outside looking in anymore. I wanted to be happy again. I finally broke down, to the only person I could ever break down to, the one who wouldn’t judge me, but would be the most hurt by these awful things: my poor Dan.

It must be shocking to hear your wife say that she is unhappy. I know it would break my heart if Dan said that to me. But I tell him that it isn’t his fault, and it’s not. It’s my own fault that I let these feelings creep up on me. It’s my own fault that I let them fester instead of recognizing for what they are: Temptation and evil.

Now I let all those feeling go, by acknowledging that they existed and acknowledging what a jerk they made of me, but the real work is ahead. I can’t only focus on my physical well-being. There is no purpose in having a healthy body if I turn my back on a healthy mind, and, today, I begin to strive for an overall  healthy well-being.

I don’t want to break down again or hurt the ones I love, and I don’t have time for it. Life is too short to focus on what I don’t have when I must focus on all the truly wonderful things that I do have. I understand that feelings of envy, anger, and desire are normal and human, but holding onto them and letting them overcome me is not healthy. It’s OK to want, but it’s not OK to let the wants cloud the needs. I also acknowledge that because I want something doesn’t make it mine. Sometimes there is sacrifice and often there is hard work.

So, I want to be happy again. It’s going to take work and sacrifice. Just like getting in better physical shape there needs to be a plan. Here’s this week’s physical and mental wellness plan:

Monday: Yin Yoga, a meditative yoga which blends the needs of the body with the needs of the mind.
Tuesday: 3 Mile run
Wednesday: Strength training and one chapter of this book followed by 15 minutes of meditation.
Thursday: 3 mile run
Friday: Buddhist Practice
Saturday: 4 Mile run
Sunday: 50 Minute cross training

So, why write about this on a blog, for everyone to see? Because I believe that mental well-being is just as important as physical well-being. There’s a lot of stigma placed on mental health, and it’s a shame because I don’t think that there is one person in the world who has been happy 100% of their life, not even my hero, Mister Rogers. Mister Rogers even once said, “There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.”

I’m ready to wrestle and I’m ready to be the best me: Mindy, body and soul.

LOVE!
Angelica

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Weekly Weigh-In

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Starting weight: 155.8
Last weeks’s weight: 151.6
Today’s weight: 150.6
Down 1 lb.!
Total: 5.2 lbs.

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Dinner tonight, while inappropriately warm for a summer evening, was perfectly simple.

15-Minute Vegetarian Chili! (Source)

Ingredients

1 tsp canola oil
1 clove medium garlic, minced
14 1/2 oz stewed tomatoes
15 oz canned kidney beans, rinsed and drained
15 1/4 oz canned yellow corn, drained
15 oz canned tomato sauce
1 Tbsp chili powder
1/2 tsp dried regano
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1/4 cup dehydrated onion flakes
1/4 tsp black pepper
4 Tbsp low fat shredded Cheddar cheese, sharp

Instructions

  • Heat oil in a large, nonstick, heavy-bottomed pot over medium heat. Add garlic; cook, stirring frequently, until aromatic, about 2 minutes. Add tomatoes, beans, corn, tomato sauce, chili powder, oregano, red pepper flakes, onion and pepper; stir well.
  • Increase heat to high and bring chili to a boil; cook, stirring frequently, until chili is thick and flavors are concentrated, about 5 minutes. Spoon into serving bowls and sprinkle with cheese. Yields about 1 1/4 cups chili and 1 tablespoon cheese per serving.
This chili was delicious with just the right amount of kick for me and Dan, but you could always add more chili powder or a little hot sauce if you really want to spice things up. Give it a try and let me know what you think.

Revelations

So, last night I almost didn’t go for that four mile run. I definitely would’ve missed out on twenty seconds of bliss.

You’re thinking, ‘what is she talking about?’

I can only describe it as running bliss. My body was on complete autopilot. My arms and legs moved together in stride. My foot strikes perfectly on the treadmill belt. Everything worked the way nature intended. My lungs inflated and deflated in perfect time, filling my body and brain with the perfect amount of oxygen and releasing all the carbon dioxide. I followed my breath until the music coming through my headphones faded to a faint thump, like a heartbeat.

And then came the euphoric feeling of my mind being completely freed.

Free of the anxiousness of wanting to be home. Free of the stress of the day. Free of thoughts of the past and the future. Free of everything, my mind was just open and observant of my physical state.

Runner’s high? Brief meditation? Whatever it was it only lasted about twenty seconds and then it was gone. I feel like a runner now, because I would do anything to get that feeling back.

It’s taken over four years to find that one little spark. I’d love to hear from other runners or meditators even– what was it like the first time you felt that, I can only describe it as, oneness?

LOVE!
Angelica

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No regrets

 

(Source)

I almost broke the plan on day two.
I was busy, then hungry, and finally laziness tried to take hold.

Now, I’m sweaty, tired and exuberant.
Four miles. Done.
Time for a shower, then my pillow, and finally a peaceful sleep.

No regrets.

LOVE!
Angelica

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The plan

Look Mom! I’m flying!

With the exception of actually running races this summer, I have been seriously slacking in the training department. This is very bad because in a matter of weeks (eeks!) I have a ten mile race. September first is coming faster than I can run, so this week I’m making the plan that will, at least, help me survive the ten miler.

Hal Higdon is an awesome resource for training plans. My plan is to use HH’s novice 15K (9.32 miles) training plan starting at week six because I’m pretty comfortable with a five mile run at this point– which is something I NEVER thought I would say.

So here’s what my week looks like:

Monday: Yoga and a Tone It Up routine
Tuesday: 4 Mile run
Wednesday: 40 minute walk with Roxie
Thursday: 3 Mile run and strength training
Friday: REST DAY
Saturday: 6 Mile run (this will be my new longest run EVER!)
Sunday: 50 minutes of cardio

So, that’s the workout plan, but it’s going to take more than that to get me in better shape. I have to really follow my Weight Watchers plan. This last month has been all fun and revelry, but it’s time to get serious about eating (and drinking) healthy. So, what’s the plan:

Drink, at least four of these babies every day.
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Eat clean all week, meaning no over-processed  junk.
No alcohol, except for wine night, but there will be no wine night if I skip even one workout this week.
Moderation and portion sizes.
Get lots of fruits and veggies.

Big salad

And lastly, track everything I eat!

So many rules, right? But I guess what it all boils down to is that I have to be a lot more responsible when it comes to what I put in my body.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, so I know there won’t be results by the end of the week. All I can do is take it one day at a time, so that in five weeks I’ll be ready to take on that ten miler with time to spare, or at very least a buffer should my commitment wain.

Alright, so that’s the plan, now it’s time for some action.

Wish me luck!

LOVE!
Angelica

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