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Archive for the ‘Ramblings’ Category

The last thing that I want to do with this blog post is generate concern, so here is a bit of a disclaimer. I am fine. I will be fine. I’ve just had the misfortune of running into a case of the sads. I’ve had this feeling before and I’ve always gotten through it. So, here’s the story.

Lately, I’ve been catching myself starting far too many sentences with, “I want…” I’m not sure when these overwhelming desirous feelings began seeping out, and never did I consider that the more I said that I want something else, the less I was grateful for what I already had. Desire was the beginning.

Envy came next. I looked around at all the wonderful things that people had in their lives, never stopping to think about how hard they must have worked for it and what they must have sacrificed. All I could think is “why can they have that and I can’t?” I was envious of some people’s freedom and of other’s homes and children, their vacations, and I felt sick with envy.

Soon, I was powerless to stop either of these heartless emotions from bubbling up, and I let them take over. I could feel myself being a terrible person. Sometimes, I felt completely disconnected from things I said or did, and I winced with every hurtful word I may have used to make myself feel better.

I was growing bitter and spoiling. And it SUCKED! I didn’t want to be on the outside looking in anymore. I wanted to be happy again. I finally broke down, to the only person I could ever break down to, the one who wouldn’t judge me, but would be the most hurt by these awful things: my poor Dan.

It must be shocking to hear your wife say that she is unhappy. I know it would break my heart if Dan said that to me. But I tell him that it isn’t his fault, and it’s not. It’s my own fault that I let these feelings creep up on me. It’s my own fault that I let them fester instead of recognizing for what they are: Temptation and evil.

Now I let all those feeling go, by acknowledging that they existed and acknowledging what a jerk they made of me, but the real work is ahead. I can’t only focus on my physical well-being. There is no purpose in having a healthy body if I turn my back on a healthy mind, and, today, I begin to strive for an overall  healthy well-being.

I don’t want to break down again or hurt the ones I love, and I don’t have time for it. Life is too short to focus on what I don’t have when I must focus on all the truly wonderful things that I do have. I understand that feelings of envy, anger, and desire are normal and human, but holding onto them and letting them overcome me is not healthy. It’s OK to want, but it’s not OK to let the wants cloud the needs. I also acknowledge that because I want something doesn’t make it mine. Sometimes there is sacrifice and often there is hard work.

So, I want to be happy again. It’s going to take work and sacrifice. Just like getting in better physical shape there needs to be a plan. Here’s this week’s physical and mental wellness plan:

Monday: Yin Yoga, a meditative yoga which blends the needs of the body with the needs of the mind.
Tuesday: 3 Mile run
Wednesday: Strength training and one chapter of this book followed by 15 minutes of meditation.
Thursday: 3 mile run
Friday: Buddhist Practice
Saturday: 4 Mile run
Sunday: 50 Minute cross training

So, why write about this on a blog, for everyone to see? Because I believe that mental well-being is just as important as physical well-being. There’s a lot of stigma placed on mental health, and it’s a shame because I don’t think that there is one person in the world who has been happy 100% of their life, not even my hero, Mister Rogers. Mister Rogers even once said, “There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.”

I’m ready to wrestle and I’m ready to be the best me: Mindy, body and soul.

LOVE!
Angelica

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Freaky Friday

Today has consisted of chugging a protein smoothie (mah muscles are so-so grateful), writing letters (that’s mah job), binge eating an aristocat pizza (oopsie), cursing at the printer (why does it always freak out on Fridays?! WHY!), and checking out this hot tumblr site.

lol no.

You’re welcome!

Tonight, there will be yoga– because my legs say so, mini-golf– because I don’t think that I’ve been bitten by enough mosquitos yet this summer, and cuddling with my loves.

Have a great weekend!

LOVE!
Angelica

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1. As usual, I have only seen one of the Academy Award nominated movies this year. I saw The Help and it was very good. It definitely blew away my low expectations of novel to film adaptations.

Yes, there are lots of bathroom breaks.

2. I get my daily water intake by drinking two Nalgene bottles of water per day.

3. It’s taking me forever to get through The Cider House Rules. Is it wrong that I don’t really care about the orphan called Homer Wells? But! I’m not a quitter and I will see it to the end. I can’t wait to be finished with it.

4. I’m really looking forward to beginning my “Year of Reading Classics.” I”ll begin with Tess of the D’Ubervilles by Thomas Hardy and I’ve already created a pretty good sized list that I will share at the kick off. If I ever get through The Cider House Rules. Only 183 pages to go! Seriously, why is it taking me so long?

5. Tuesdays are animal shelter day for me. Almost every Tuesday I volunteer at the Manchester Animal Shelter updating the Petfinder page. I get to meet some really special animals who are waiting for their forever homes, like Roscoe, who is very sweet and loves attention and being pet. Roscoe even loves his next door neighbor, Max. He and Max talk to each other all of the time, it’s so cute. I also hang out with some of the most loving and generous people. It’s a pretty great gig.

Elliptical workout for beginners

6. I don’t understand the elliptical, and I never feel like I get a good workout when I use one at the gym. Today, I found a workout that I’m going to try for run recovery days, in the name of consistency.

7. While we’re on the subject of running I should tell you, I still don’t really consider myself a runner, because I don’t like running. Whether I’m on the treadmill or in the midst of a race, I’m never in love with a run. I do have good runs, not-so-good runs, great runs, and bad runs, sure. It’s all about attitude, but primarily, I run because I know it’s good for me, it gets me moving, and it’s a challenge. Second, and mostly, I enjoy the post-run endorphin rush which is also the joy of knowing that I’ve accomplished something physical for the day.

(Source)

8. Currently, I’m obsessed with the musical stylings of Gotye and Muddy Waters.

9. My best friend from childhood is getting married next fall and I’m already on the hunt for the perfect guest dress. I’m thinking something like these because I like the shape, the hemline,  and I’m a sucker for a floral pattern.

(Source)

(Source)

10. I always write down random quotes from life that I find hilarious. Like this one from Dan back in 2009.

Dan was cleaning out the fish tank, he uses a tube to drain it, but first has to suck all the air out of the tube to get the water started. Not a moment later he tried to give me a kiss. I refused and, after a little bit of ragging on him, I got my quote. It’s been taped on the computer for almost three years now. What otherwise would’ve been a mundane moment is now one of those things I’ll never forget.

Dan even got in on the action. The Post-It is one of quotes from a couple of weeks ago. It says, “Ahhhh… It’s drooping too far!  Swirl, swirl, spin!” I was painting the inside of a bottle.

When I was a kid I used to keep a shoe box full of the funny things my brothers said. I’ve long since lost that box but I remember one in particular, but that might be another story.

So there you have it! My first ten random things Tuesday, and my 85th post!

So, what are ten random things about you? I can’t wait to hear them.

LOVE!
Angelica

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I’m a sentimental gal, so it’s only natural that I would look back on the the year that was before I can look forward to the year to come. I know that everyone says it, but I truly cannot believe how fast this year went by. One moment I was making crock pot failures on snow days, the next, it seems, I was lounging on my sunny porch, and then I blinked and it was Christmas.

So, without any further ado (ado… such a funny word), here’s my year in pictures and words, if I can muster them.

For the past two years we’ve honored the quiet New Year’s Eve, but quiet New Year celebrations are not really what I am known for, after all one of my favorite things to do is celebrate!  The highlight of January was heading down to Florida to visit Dan’s parents. We celebrated Dan’s birthday on a fishing boat and ate delicious burgers at Cabbage Key.

Winter: Crockpots, snowdays, working from home. The lo-light of February was spraining my ankle. It was after being laid up with the bum ankle that I decided to really start running by training for a 10K. It would be at least another two months before my ankle was strong enough to train again.

While I rested, and gained more than a few inches around the ol’ waist line, I read The entire Harry Potter series. I became a woman obsessed. I flew through all seven novels in five months and had the movies on repeat. I drove Dan a little crazy, but overall he was a pretty good sport, especially while I filled him in on the things he didn’t see in the movie.

SPRING! My favorite time of the year! This year spring was filled with celebrations. My cousin and I celebrated our birthdays together (Heather is a year and three days older than I am). The major highlight of spring was that our sister Christine came to visit with our favorite nephew! He was such a little peanut, barely on the verge of crawling, after seeing him this past week, and how much he’s changed has really made me realize how precious the time I have with him really is.

Mount Eisenhower's eastern outlook

Summer! A close second to spring. There was camping, hiking, Dispatch & Boston (MA, not the band), Louis C.K., sitting on the porch with a book and a nice cold UFO, and fun with friends. I don’t think I could’ve asked for a more fun summer than the summer of twenty-eleven.

Dickey-Welch Hike

Hanging out in Boston

On the summit of Mt. Eisenhower

Driving to the top of Mt. Washington, Cruising 1-A, happy girls, and my best friend's wedding

Autumn is a bittersweet time for me, because, while I like the mild weather and the colorful foliage, autumn means winter is right around the corner. How did we get here so fast? This year we didn’t take a big fall trip because it was sadly rained out, which was true of most of the season. Autumn 2011 was rainy and mild. By the time October rolled around we were still enjoying a pleasant indian summer, which I LOVED! Fall was a blur, for the most part. I ran two five-mile races, ate my way through the Deerfield Fair, Dan and I celebrated our 7+3 anniversary, and I had my ten year high school reunion.

I am truly lucky girl to have had such amazing friends for over ten years. The high school reunion was so much fun, and I would recommend going to anyone.

And now it’s winter. Christmas is a week behind us, and I’m behind on uploading those photos. The tree is still here and the decorations are holding my psyche together.

I don’t know what twenty-twelve has in store for the Ladd establishment. All I know was that twenty-eleven was a really good year for us. Good friends, amazing family, and great times. When times get tough, as the inevitably do, I will remember how lucky I was this year.

Thanks for reading this silly little blog of mine. I wish you and your friends and family a very happy and healthy New Year.

LOVE!
Angelica

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So, for the month of November I committed to the Pile on the Miles Challenge, and luckily, my five mile run last Sunday squared me away with the challenge last week. Today I ran/walked just over two miles to make sure that my sore leg was up to the challenge, and I’m happy to report that it was. Yay! Thursday, I’ll be back to my regular schedule on Thursday.

Today has been a really long day. I can’t believe that I actually made it to the gym! I’ve been grumpy all day, and the pile at work is just mounting with the holidays around the corner. Who was I kidding when I actually said that I could coast through December when all my mailings were out? There will be no coasting because there are clothing drives and food drives to be organized. There are families to be sponsored and there are generous, wonderful donations to be processed and donors to be thanked. How could I forget all this? It’s bonkers, but I honestly love it. It’s just a tad stressful right now.

After work and a short break, I headed over to the animal shelter. I’m thinking of posting an shelter animal of the week post. There are so many sweet cats and dogs looking for home. Would you be interested in that? By the time I finished up there, I figured the car would steer me home, but I made it to the gym. I didn’t feel like a full workout, but I’m glad that I got some time in to get me back in the groove.

So long day. Not a very exciting post. Thanks for sticking with me.

LOVE!
Angelica

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Another possible title for this post:

Confronting my teenaged self

My ten year high school reunion is coming up in two weeks. It’s all the buzz right now on facebook and with my friends. I’m definitely going as it has met all my requirements. One, OPEN BAR! Two, it’s at a bar that I like. And three, it doesn’t cost a fortune. Price of admittance is a toy donation for Toys for Tots. That’s pretty sweet.

So, I’m going. My friends are doing. Dan is going. It’s going to be a nice night out. Right?

So, why do I feel like I would rather crawl under the blankets one moment and the next, I’m gung ho to party it up and meet new people with whom I coincidentally graduated from high school. It’s like the happy, successful woman I am today is going head-to-head with the awkward, annoyed teen girl I used to be. I’m a mess.

UGH! High school reunion, already? Seriously!

If I am being completely honest here then I strongly disliked high school. I didn’t hate it, but it wasn’t for me. High school was a hiccup on the road to adulthood. People who do well in high school are naturally good at everything or they know exactly what they want and work damn hard for it.

That wasn’t me. I was an average student, and happy to be so. I played the violin, but orchestra was more of a social hour for me. I was not athletic, and to this day I loathe volleyball. I had  no idea what I wanted out of life, and didn’t even apply for college until the last minute. (Thank heavens I chose Plymouth State!)

I was socially awkward because I was terribly friendly. Being friendly in high school was a fault, believe me. I still relive the nightmares of walking up and talking to someone I didn’t know then having them look at me like I was lunatic. Awesome.

Luckily, I had some pretty amazing friends, most of whom are still my friends today. They accepted my ridiculous humor and they let me be myself. I love them and they know who they are.

So, am I looking forward to my reunion? Absolutely. I think it would be really great to finally be myself. To talk to people I’ve always wanted to talk to and make new friends. Will it be strange? Probably, but life is full of these strange little adventures, and I am determined not to be intimidated. I’m a much happier person now, or in the words of Schmidt from New Girl, “I’m a lot flyer than I used to be.”

I’d love to hear your reunion stories in the comments. Help take the edge off.

LOVE!
Angelica

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For our third wedding anniversary Dan got me a beautiful leather journal. It has a whimsical brass owl on the cover to greet me whenever I open it. I’ve kept a journal since I could write. My first journal was a secret Santa gift in the third grade. By the time I was in the fifth grade I kept my journals in black and white composition books. Keeping a journal was a good way to practice my cursive, then it was a way to get my thoughts out, and soon it was the only way I could unwind.

I slacked on keeping a journal, in fact the floral journal above is the keeper of four years of my life and there are still four pages left. I can’t wait to start writing in the new journal. I can’t wait to fill it’s pages with adventures and with the ups and downs of life. But I will dutifully fill the last journal before I begin the next.

I was concerned that blogging would take over my journaling habit, but I don’t think so anymore. There are things in my life that are boring or too private, and they just don’t belong on the interwebs for all to see. (Sorry)

A new journal. (Sigh) It’s like a fresh start.

LOVE!
Angelica

 

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